That's a cold kick to the
by XeedGuilmon
Summary: Lyserg awakens from a unusual night, no one believes his story about being kidnaped and being forced to drink. Now on a nonsense quest he's out to find out how meany women he made mad.


Marco stood up from his daily prayer as his mind was on a very important matter today. It started when he got up this morning, finding his team mate and young trainee Lyserg wasn't in his bed. At first he thought the boy had gotten up for training or prayer as his spirit was still asleep in her cage. He had done a search over the entire headquarters to find the young boy absent from the base which had lead to many thoughts that Lyserg had betrayed them (but if he had done so why would he leave Morphine?) to him going off to fight Hao on his own, which was more believable.  
Entering the hall again while his mind was thinking up a very fitting punishment for the young lad when he felt someone run into at full speed. He toppled a bit but with quick reflexes he manage to strike out a hand to grab the door handle, it prove to be a bad idea as he hit the floor anyway but he also wrenched his arm. But it seemed the person that had slammed into him was in worse form as he was groaning loudly as he slowly forced himself up, there was a foul stench that usually accompany Larch after the weekends. As this poor soul gotten to his feet Marco was stunned to find it was Lyserg. Only he was a mess with dark circles under his eyes and his hair was a mess more then normal.

"I'm sorry, I am so, so very sorry about being missing for the entire day," Lyserg whispered as loud as he could while he wench in pain. "I have a very reasonable explanation for this." Marco stood up, walking over (very loudly on purpose) he eyed the younger boy for a moment before pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose while waiting for the _explanation_.  
"Okay, okay. The other day I was on the outskirts of the base when the Hanagumi came and up and kidnapped me!"

"This doesn't explain you're smell or about the dark circles under your eyes," Marco said sternly.

"Okay, well they took me to this wearhouse where there were rows upon rows of liquor, they forced me and this other guy who was more willing into a drinking card game where after a few hours I passed out and wound up passing out and waking up in behind a seven eleven covered in pink snowballs." Lyserg finished as he stiffen as a board while Marco look him over.

"Lyserg if you want to get drunk I don't care but I expect you be up at every morning, ready for anything like Larch and Prof and I don't want to hear excuses!" Marco shouted while stepping forward while Lyserg back away until he hit a wall and started to slid down. "**GET CLEANED UP, PUT ON A CLEAN UNIFORM AND GET TO THE TRAINING FIELD**!"

"Yes sir," Lyserg said as he crawled away. Marco stood there while he thought about it, snowballs do sound good. He left for the nearest seven eleven.

(-)

It has been eight hours of non stop training for him, when he was finally finished his limbs were so heavy they felt like iron casted steel weight has been strap on them all of them. He was drudging into the hall where many of his fellow X laws were just standing around chatting when they were all focused on him, he could tell the topic of the day was him. He try to walk by them, looking down at his shoes while heading for the door. His hand was just about on the doorknob when someone decided to speak, "what happened?"

Lyserg mentally groaned while turning to see Meenee standing next to him with a brow raised, she always thought as him as she thought him as a perfect little gentlemen. It would pain her to think he was like the others under that nice exterior. They were waiting for an answer. "Okay, I'm going to tell you what I told you Marco-sama. I was on the edge of the base when the Hanagumi appeared and kidnapped me, I was taken to a wearhouse to play a drinking card game where I was force to drink until I passed out and I woke up behind a seven eleven with a bunch of pink snowballs on me."

The other X laws looked at each other for a moment and the expected laughter happen, Lyserg sighed while wondering why no one would believe him. _Maybe I can find someone from that night, I can **prove** it happened._ He thought. As soon as he is off this probation period he will go find the Hanagumi and make them confess they kidnapped him and made him drink. But first, he needs sleep.

(-)

Two weeks later.

Marco stood up from his daily pray, his mind was back on the youngest hellraiser of the X laws again. This morning he had officially left the base after writing up a long letter in an attempt to prove his innocence. He knew this will not end well, but what does it matter as long as he gets to punish him for this stupid action. He walked out into the hall almost running into Meenee, the expression on her face had already told him there was something going on. He push his glasses up the bridge of his nose.  
"Yes?"

"There's someone from Hao in the interrogation room you might want to see," she said while pointing down the hall. Marco raised a brow, the patent _what do X person want?_ "The thing is she is waiting for Lyserg, she said it's very important."

"I'll go talk to her," he said before heading down to the interrogation room as he wonder what does a minion of Hao want.

(-)

Lyserg stood in the center of the Patch Village looking around, this is were he will begin his search. Morphine was awaiting for the order to begin the search, holding out his hand with the pendulum swinging about his spirit entered it and it pointed towards the north west. A good place to start, he followed the trail through streets, alleyways, back streets and rooftops before coming to the Patch café. In the front there was several patrons having their usuals while watching the scenery, in front was the usual group of shaman. A good place to start, ask a few questions until he gets what he needs and he'll be on his way. But before he could begin any type of interrogation he was noticed by a certain young shaman that is the twin to his arch nemesis, from the scolding look on his face he wasn't in a very good mood. Tapping Lyserg's shoulder, after turning to face him Yoh flat out slammed him fist right into Lyserg's nose. Needless to say this caused a scene.  
Lyserg, while reeling from being punched, fell onto his bum while reaching for his broken nose while shouting "what I do? What I do?"

Yoh glared down at the young dowser, in truth he was scared when Yoh got mad. And this anger look was seventy times worse then when he try to make him fight while his friends were down, what had he done to make him _this_ angry.  
"Why did you do it?" he snarled as he picked up and hoisted the Englishmen into the air by the collar, "why did you tore off Anna's dress in front of everyone?"

_Crap,_ was all he think while trying his hardest to squirm out of the older boy's grip. Yoh slowly placed him on solid waiting for an answer. Lyserg was thinking back, no memory of anything involving Anna or dress ripping. Swallowing hard he try to speak but his tongue was very dry and his mind couldn't quite work, he's answer was the first one to mind that he could get out.  
"I was very drunk, very, very drunk."

"Okay, you were drunk," Yoh spoke with a smile while letting go. It wasn't in his nature to hold grudges. Lyserg was glad to be free until he felt a fist going into his crotch, while normally Yoh won't hold grudges he did care about Anna and that was something unforgivable.

_This seems very familiar,_ he thought as he rolled around on the ground in pain. Yep, after leaving the wearhouse he wonder into he found Yoh and Anna at this very dinner. As his mind recovered the missing memory and his body gave up the missing ball Lyserg kind of regret grabbing the back of her dress spontaneously and pulling it off,he'll apologize when he acquires some riot gear. If Yoh is this mad he hate to see Anna's fury.  
But after a trip to the medical doctor he was back limping along the trail, going back to the Patch café while taking the side entrance to avoid another beating from Yoh his pendulum had lead him to Silva. He didn't looked very pleased, and with an eye patch he was having some trouble coronating properly and almost spilled a few things. He looked over at Lyserg with a expression of unpleasantness. This can't end well.

"I told you you're banned from the café," Silva said. "at least until you clean up that mess you made in the bathroom." He jerked a thumb toward the men's room that had a "out of order" sign on it.

"What did I do?" Lyserg a bit shocked, first the dress thing and now this. Whatever it was it couldn't be really bad, Silva took him by an arm to lead him to the men's room. As the door open Lyserg saw the full horror of _the room_, "AAH! It's worse then a Texaco station bathroom!"

"I know," Silva backed away a bit sicken by the sight. He quickly went to the counter to retrieve a mop and a bucket, he came back and handed them to a confuse Lyserg. "You will clean this up, or maybe the next match the X laws won't be _on top_."

Lyserg grumbled as he took the tools and enter the room, he started to clean when he noticed the wall graffiti. He was drawn to a partial one, "Nichrome sucks _what_."

"Leave that," Silva said. "Lest we forget."

(-)

It has been a few hours but he finished, it was beginning to darken but he must find a witness for his actions that night. Handing the bucket and Mop back he found Morphine asleep on the back corner, actually he found her sprawled on her back with her mouth open and drooling. She was drink from having a few beers while he was busy cleaning up the bathroom. "I'll return her to the headquarters for you," Silva said as he carefully picked up the drunk pixie.

"Thanks." Lyserg grabbed his coat and was ready to head out again when he stopped. "Hey, I have been meaning to ask but what happen to you're eye."

"Lime slice, leave it there." Lyserg nodded while backing away, no back on the path to prove his innocence he'd learn that some how he can create diamonds with just Coca Cola and a sugar packet, that crabs can polevault if one threw tooth picks into the bowl.  
But now he was trying to think, he came here but from which way? His guts is tell him towards the west, where the hotel is. There was some kind of fuzzy memory about his place, but he couldn't remember what it was. There was a lot of blue though, a whole lot of it.

"Pond scum piss ass bottom sucker!"

Lyserg stopped, he wonder who was shouting such strange things. He wasn't even fully turned when he felt something impacting his manhood with, it was hard, cold and caused horrid amounts of record pain. As he fell to the ground to pass out, or he thinks he'd passed out as he felt like he was floating a bit. But after a moment he could tell the form of Usui Horokeu, alias Horohoro, who was worse then Yoh.  
"Get on you're _feet_!" he growled while picking up the young man by the collar, "you have some nerve coming back here after what I had heard from my sister what you had done."

"Done?" Lyserg was a bit worried, what was going on. How much carnage did he cause that day after the drinking game?

"**You slept with my sister**!" Horohoro shouted loud enough to draw the attention of a few people, now Lyserg was regretting leaving the base. "I am going to beat you into the ground, place honey on you're head, let ants eat away at your flesh, pull you out, douse you in gas then lit you on fire before I BASH YOUR TOES IN WITH A HAMMER!"

Lyserg was terrified, more then when he had watched his parents burn to death before him and he threw the cage at Hao. Horohoro was practically foaming at the mouth, his eyes were so blood shot they were almost entirely red. He needed to think fast, there has to be a way to get out of this situation. There was one trump card he can play, it was risky but it has to be done to save his life.  
"Hao's making some moves on Ren." Lyserg sputtered as he pointed behind the Ainu, he was dropped onto the ground as the blue hair boy was searching around for Hao. Taking this chance he crawled away, when Horohoro learn he was tricked he found the young English X law gone.

Crawling back to the medical clinic he was back on the street, limping even worse then before. This whole thing was a disaster, he learn that people hated more then usual and it was going to be a miracle if he fathers children again. It was dark out, he was breaking curfew and there was no leads so he just had given up on the whole idea of proving himself innocent of the drinking game so it was time to head home.  
Turning the corner a hammer was swung straight into the family jewels, so far this was the most painful ball buster yet. He fell to the ground, yelling and crying while rolling around as two figures stood over him. Lyserg was constantly cursing his fate in between screams of pain, did god think he made a mistake in this young boy's gender and have everyone target him at him?

"You jerk," one figure snapped as the foot came down on his crotch. Lyserg manage to strive off the pain enough to tell that the person was Sally, which explains the hammer to his willie. The other was Lily, and they were both pissed.

"I hope you know if we get pregnant from our little threesome that night I will use you're thingy to strangle you!" Lily shouted before they both walked away, she return quickly for a fast kick to the crotch. Lyserg was left there laying there in pain, alternating between smiling and utter hellish agony. Crawling _back_ to the medical clinic he walked out with a cane, it was the only way he could stand up now after what he's been through.  
As he limp slowly to the X Law base he thought about just screwing truth and Justice, if someone wants to think he's a little bastard child hellraiser then let them think it. His honor isn't worth being nailed in the scrotum all the time, and on the upside this leaves him more time to focus on killing Hao.

He grumbled while climbing over some rocky paths, almost falling flat on his face several times. There is little way this can make his life any worse, but after making it to the top of the final hill Hao was standing there. Well standing in the center of the hand of the spirit of fire that was still standing there, there was a wide smirk on his face knowing full well that his very presence would drive Lyserg into a fit of blind fury. But tonight Lyserg wasn't in the mood, he just wanted to limp away and crash into his bed until the swelling goes away. Hao leap down from his spirit's hand onto the ground, never once letting up that cockiness. Soon Lyserg and him were face to face, Hao just smiled.  
"I've been waiting to see you again, Lyserg-kun."

Lyserg stood there blinking and silently writhing in pain, what was he talking about? "I know I'm going to regret asking this but what are you talking 'bout Hao?" the brunette tilted his head as his smile faded a bit, Lyserg shrugged.

"You mean you don't remember what happen behind that seven eleven?" Hao step forward while reaching out with hand and placed his finger on Lyserg's lips. "It was pretty wild, I wanted to stop with those white snowballs but you wanted to keep going with that little kinky game. Now we can be alone, lover." Lyserg stared at Hao for several minutes blinking as his brain finally shut down, this can't be happening.

"This isn't happening, and no way in hell is this happening in any way, form or time or space am I going be you're freaking **KAIBITO**, I would rather hump a splintering piece of oak. I would rather ate dry cat crap and drink nitroglycerin. I would rather watch the first season of the Simpsons then even be touch by you!"

Hao stood there, a bit shocked. His expression became very dark and brooding as energy filled the air, their clothes rustle while the wind blew around them. Hao was at his maximum anger and he was shaking madly while sheathing with raw anger, Lyserg mentally said goodbye to his manhood as Hao raised a hand.  
Without warning Hao strike, a soft slap to the cheek. Afterwards he flown away from the young dowser trying not to cry.

"Too strange," Lyserg said while limping the remainder of the trip to the X Law headquarters. He set out to get one witness, one lousy witness to the kidnapping and that drinking card game but what he found is more angry people, a messy bathroom from hell and a prissy Hao with the X Laws probably placing him on the suspicious list.  
But he was before the X Laws headquarters, it was time to face the consequences of his actions.

Going through the door he found the X-II team talking about something when they took notice of his presence and hush up, something was going on. Denbat approached, "hey you're need in interrogation room 4F."

"Thanks," Lyserg said trying to keep the pain out of his tone while limping away. Everyone he passed was glancing his way and silently wonder why he was walking with a cane and going "ow" every step he took, but he made it to the interrogation room. Upon opening the door he found Marco and Iron Maiden Jeanne sitting across from Mari, a member of the Hanagumi and a witness he's been looking for all this time. Silently limping over to a free chair after trying to bow to Jeanne he carefully took a seat.

"What happen you?" Marco asked while pointing at him, Lyserg just shot a fast glance but Marco countered with a glance of his own. Mari just shook her head.

"Mari needs to say something," Mari said while standing up. "It's about the night when Mari's friends were bored and Nichrome had found a large stash of beer and they kidnapped Lyserg for a card game and made him have several beer."

Marco pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, Jeanne blinked while Lyserg smiled until he could stop laughing. "I was right, I'm innocent! You see, I am innocent and it _**DID**_ really happen."

"Fine, I'll credit it," Marco ignored him while waiting for Mari to speak again. Without warning she cross the room and grabbed him in a tight hug. "What the?"

"Oh, daddy, daddy help me!" Mari cried while holding onto Marco while he try to move away. Jeanne and Lyserg gave each other strange looks while Marco wormed his way out of her grip. "Mari had missed her period, she had some beers and spent some time with Lyserg and him alone. Mari's a mommy!" she broken down into tears while Jeanne and Marco were staring at him, slowly stood up and open his mouth to speak.

"Okay, you get two free kicks, after that it's forty dollars."


End file.
